It’s currently midday on a Saturday, I’m sitting at my desk writing my first non-introductory article, a JoySparker on alchemy, and it’s difficult to put into words. My brain has always been wonderful at coming up with novel concepts and making connections across different domains. It’s all so clearly articulate in my head, yet when I sit down to write it’s all a jumbled mess. In my head, there’s 4 or 5 key points or truths all interconnected on a topic. For instance, in this article I’m writing, I want to tie in an anecdote from my childhood, a book I’ve been reading, the definition of alchemy, and some ways I make cooking and biohacking feel more magical. Yet, they all feel so important, interconnected and nonlinear I’m struggling to order it in a linear fashion like I am here. I feel frustrated, wishing I was better at articulating what I have to say. I know I have important wisdom to share, but my abilities don’t seem on-par with my goals and mind.
Is this relatable to you? It certainly is to me, having experienced it 30 seconds ago. It’s easy & fun to let your imagination run wild with dreams and aspirations. Then, faced with the reality of just getting started, the distance between beginning a pursuit and your goal can be so discouraging that it can feel like you’ll never make it; you’re not good enough. And so, we never start.
And yet, the answer is to start. To say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and do it. Think about it as if we’re in a video game. We’re all going to start of weak as hell. I have no experience writing blogposts! Yet, we all have the capacity to learn and grow stronger. Practice, with sleep, do make perfect, reinforcing the relevant skills and increasing our competency at a task. What I’ve seen time & time again from the YouTubers, writers, game designers, artists, and everyone I admire who’s achieved their creative goals has one thing in common: they stuck with it. Continuing to create well-rested and focused gains you experience (why do you think it’s called XP in a game? You’re gaining literal experience!). It’s about having a bias towards action and doing something tangible. As someone who’s planned and organized their dreams for years instead of acting on them, I can say with confidence I’ve been infinitely closer to my dreams when I sat down and just worked on what I wanted to work on.
It’s the journey, not the destination
Ahhh a cliche. The thing is all cliches achieve their status because they reflect reality, the original life truths. Daydreaming about your goals is helpful in short bursts; it reminds you what is important to you and where you want to go. However, when you’re just starting off, or even far into working on a project, the end goal rarely reflects the actions needed to be taken on a daily basis to achieve said end goal. This results in a discordant chasm between what you want and what you need to do. Your creative work will feel boring by comparison. Sitting down and writing a screenplay or picking up a brush pales in comparison to basking at the completed piece.
So what do we do? We find enjoyment in the journey and accept it for what it is. I accept that these early posts aren’t going to be great. They’re going to be wordy, written too much in passive voice, with a limited vocabulary. They’ll use filler words like like or just (love that this is proper English grammar). I may not even arrive at the point I’m trying to make. It’s very possible no one but my closest friends & parents read my posts, play my games or watch my YouTube videos. Even then, maybe they won’t. But in the end, I’ll have written a ton of posts, learned mountains on improving my craft, and have something I can point to and say: “That’s mine. I made that.” And along the way, I’ll get to experience the joy of creating, bringing something new into existence. That’s what’s important: exercising the creative spark of the divine within us all and having fun with it. There’s no expectations. It’s just you and what brings you joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Knowing how to escape this pain related to creating is wonderful, but where did it come from? Why do so many of us experience fear, feelings of ineptitude, and general resistance towards doing the things we want to do? Why is it painful to pursue our passions? Let’s dig a little deeper.
Think back to when you were a toddler. Remember what it was like to play. Our imaginations as children are incredibly vibrant, conjuring up creative connections adults can rarely comprehend. This makes sense intuitively: having spawned into this world, our brains must quickly orient ourselves to our surroundings by taking in as much information as possible and combing through what we need to know to survive. Children naturally display innate curiosity and creativity, so what happens to it?
Here’s a thought experiment to figure it out. Write down all the fears & mental blockers that come to mind obstructing you from pursuing your passions. Try to be specific when you notice ambiguity. I’ll play along, here’s been some of mine:
- I’m not good enough. My work is adolescent in it’s quality.
- Others are going to judge this, it’s not good.
- If it’s not perfect, I’m going to be criticized and ostracized.
- If it’s not perfect, I won’t be safe.
- Creating bad content means I’m a failure. What does it say about me if I’m this bad at my passion? Look at how good others are doing.
Now picture this. You are a godlike being alone in the universe. You do not have a physical form, and are alone. You exist everywhere at once within a vast void. All there is and all there ever will be is you and what you will create. There are no outside influences. Now then, do any of these fears make sense without the context of others? If you are creating just to create, then it’s a joyous and pure experience. There’s no point of comparison for something being “good” or “bad” besides being relative to what you’ve already made. Throughout our lives, we have experiences that shape us: a parent disapproving of our creations, peers making fun of us, betrayals and pain levied by others that teach our nervous system that it’s not safe to be openly joyous and creative. We must safeguard our inner selves and only exercise our creativity when it’s safe. Combine that with the internet endlessly distributing artificial highlights of other people’s lives, a bombardment of beautiful end goals that take years to accomplish shown in only 7 seconds it’s no wonder we feel inadequate and broken. What isn’t shown is the years of effort people put in to reach their goals. It’s all too often invisible.
Just feel & enjoy the moment
So what do we do about it? How can we create without feeling awful, and how do we deal with our own perceived inadequacy? We simply need to connect with the present moment. As mentioned, there is no pain in pure creation, only joy. That pain only arises from our own expectations of ourselves which arise from comparing ourselves to others and beliefs internalized from past traumas that we’re not enough. Here’s what this looks like in practice:
- 1. Intentionally create space. Close social media tabs, de-clutter your environment, put on some ambient music if you want. Maybe light a candle or turn on an essential oil diffuser. The end goal is creating a space with your creative materials that’s distraction-free but most of all: inviting.
- 2. Remind yourself of your passion. Recall & speak aloud what you are doing, and what you enjoy about it. Why is this your passion? What about it sparks joy in you? What is it about the activity of and not the end goal of this passion that’s so enthralling to you?
- 3. Remain open to feelings. If there’s fears and mental blocks around this project, they will arise. Notice these emotions and be curious about them. Where do you feel them in your body? Without getting sucked into thought loops, notice if there’s any narratives arising. Be curious about them and really question if they’re true. Let yourself feel the fear surrounding this, and take a break from working if you feel it. As you feel these emotions, they’ll slowly be processed and released.
- 4. Enjoy your creative time. If this was a different site I’d say something about how to build endurance at this and get better, but remember: this is your passion project. All that matters is you’re enjoying yourself and you’re able to do what you want. There’s no expectation or pressure. Just you and your work. Make something that sparks joy in you. Be playful with it and have fun.
It really do be all journey
There were things I could’ve done better in this article. It’s kind of all-over-the-place without a single coherent core. But you know what? I had fun. I enjoyed writing this & it made me feel better. Going into creative pursuits with absolutely no expectations for ourselves is liberating. It unearths us from the concrete of comparison and paralyzing fear that some of us are enveloped in our whole lives. We’re constantly getting better thanks to our brain’s wonderful capacity to learn with rest & proper nutrition. All we have to do is show up for ourselves. And why wouldn’t we? Creating feels wonderful and soul-nourishing. We just forget sometimes.
So go out there and remind yourself what it is you love doing, and enjoy doing it! You got it, I truly believe that.
With healing energy,
-Juniper